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Saturday, December 20, 2014

Elf Watch- Santa Helper getting Slammed

Elf Watch- This long time Santa's Helper has hit the end of the road. the Gender Identity Wart-ch machine is now demanding the removal of all male appearing gender elfs from Santas' workshop to combat the evil elves. "All those evil bearing elves should be locked up forever and never be allowed to be near females!"

In the meantime, concerns are growing that this sleeping elf behind the wheel could result in the Family Lack-of-Credible-Research Council may be considering a constitutional amendment to ban all elves in any vehicles. "We understand the implicit dangers to our families by a psycho elf falling asleep in a vehicle- the Family Must Be Preserved and the only way to do that is a Constitutional Amendment banning elves from entering our country!"

And of course the Elfigration Department has again spoken up- "Elves infiltrating our country are of a great concern and could potentially be a terrorist- they liter endlessly with wrapped up boxes, general presence around children, and we have no idea where they go other than December! Our attempts to infiltrate their lairs have only resulted in Reindeer Poop!"

The Central Elf Lack-Of-Inteleggence Agence has also weighed in on the matter- "We have waterboarded several of these creatures lately and have established clear evidence that a full blown plot to murder Santa has been discovered. Waterboarding of elves works!"

Sadly- the state of the elf kingdom is in total disarray as the gifts are due next week, they are down the master elf now, and apparently AA is rejecting elves at the door due to a confusion as to if it's an allergy, the steps validity on elves, and the elves refusal to believe in a Higher Power greater than Santa.

Sigh- the world is a changed place- Written By Allison Woolbert (yep you can stick my name on it please)

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