Allison Woolberts' Growing List of things to Respond to a Telemarketer

We all know that telemarketers can flat ass be annoying.  From calling and disrupting those important decisions (like wine or whiskey), or causing us to consider a product that we certainly don't want to begin with to asking us whether we like a political figure which NOBODY likes!  AGHHHHH!!!

So, this is the start of some canned things I've actually done or considered doing.  No need to give credit to Allison Woolbert if you want to use them.  Just remember- there are things you probably will get a knock on your door from the police if you freak them out to much.  

Also remember the goal- How quickly can you get a telemarketer to quit the job.  The faster they will end their employment, the harder it is for call centers like it to keep going.  So here is Allison Woolbert's list of humorous responses:

1.  "Don't you listen to national news! What is wrong with your company- She was killed last night by that crazy boyfriend!"

2.  "I'm sorry, she's over at Ancora Mental Health Facility. She went after a telemarketer last week with a shotgun"

3. "Hang on. "Put that down INSERT NAME HERE. Put it down! NO NO! STOP! (slam telephone book or large book on table... hang up) 

4. A wide moment of silence when you tell the tel-marketer on the other end of the phone that the person they want to talk to was killed by an alligator in Florida and that somebody Youtube'd it with a broken voice.

The second longer moment of silence when you ask them after they stutter something else if they are totally insensitive to the loss of a dearly loved family member.

5. Cost them major time such as on hold, the pick it back up, on hold again, pick it back up, on hold a third time and tell them that they need to call back exactly at 1:05 pm EST

Yep- so there are a few incentives and thoughts.  More to come as I get them...

You have a way to get rid of telemarketers?  Write me a comment so I can post it here!



Allison Woolbert is a telemarketers best nightmare.  She works to find ways to aggravate, antagonize and misdirect every telemarketer that ever reaches out to her telephone.  As a professional telemarketing aggrivator, Allison Woolbert has perfected many ways to bring a marketing professional to pull hair out, drink heavily on the job, throw their phone across the room, or yell obscenities at their boss.

Remember- Practice those lines so you can get them just right to feed to these folks!

Allison Woolbert says READ THIS story on EROTICA NOW!

So this has to be one of the best articles ever that I've seen and read.  It actually would work well in Alabama, and Atlanta for the most part.  I think Judge Moore would be pleased to visit and try a few things on for size in that all to big mouth of his!

As the Huffington Post Says:

"It's the Garden of Hedon!

Katai Kamminga erected what is quite possibly the first erotic garden (and teahouse!) in Southeast Asia, blurring the oh-so-thin line between sex organs and stamen. The Erotic Garden and Teahouse in Mae Rim, Thailand features suggestive vegetable sculptures, landscaped breasts and all the phalluses your eyes can handle.

"Everything is erotic!" Katai told Chiang Mai News during a walkthrough of the sculpture park. "[Even the] onion can be sexy -- maybe for some people ... Mmmm, sexy plums."

Katai reportedly got hot and bothered about erotica when she was given a book about erotic art around the world. It was new to her, and she wanted the edgy art on display in her home country. Check it out:

A sculpture of a women hugging a large phallus is displayed at the Erotic Garden and Teahouse on February 6, 2015 in Mae Rim, Thailand. The Erotic Garden and Teahouse opened in January and claims to be the first garden of its kind in Asia.

See more here at the total Huffington Post Article!

Allison Woolbert is an avid reader of the Huffington Post and other fun distorted media outlets.  Allison works hard to insure that all things printed are annotated with the latest bookmarks (seriously are you reading this!).....

Allison Woolbert, sexy invigorating and masterful woman. Goddess of the Phoenix Empire!  Learn more about the Phoenix Empire soon----  It's coming.... With flames and tears and a few little claw marks.  yep... keep them eyes ready for it!

Allison Woolbert - Flying in Matsapha

Allison Woolbert never did like flying.  It's something that just simply doesn't make her a happy person watching the ground disappear out from under her while she realizes she is totally powerless and that there isn't a parachute.

I remember flying in some puddle jumper out of an airport once.  Sheer hold onto my seat and hope the plane doesn't drop was my wish for the day.  Yep- I joined the Air Force and hated to fly.  What a concept.

Matsapha, Swaziland has an airport.  It has a single carrier that does five flights a day.  Take a look here at the Arrivals gate:

I remember seeing things like this in the movies and in photo's during the 60's.  Yes, this was built in the 60's.  The treated medal doorways with a tinish type of roof.  At least the tower looks fairly modern and appears to be in good maintenance.  That means  safer travel right???!?!?

The weather at Matsapha has been somewhat warm compared to the New Jersey temperatures.  (Allison balances in her hand the 80 degrees at Matsapha compared to the ice in New Jersey).  Ok, the temperatures at the airport are just fine with me.  Coming from Tucson Arizona 88 degrees is just a cake walk on a fun day although the 62% humidity seems a little high compared to Tucson's ZERO DEGREE HUMIDITY (but it's DRY heat!) !

So, what does Allison Woolbert think of all this?  You might wonder what in the world would be in Swaziland and a why a stop at this airport.  An airport proudly says the following:

"This operation accounts for a majority of the 70,000 passengers that pass through Matsapha International Airport each year. In addition to the Swaziland Airlink, there are a number of general aviation activities at Matsapha International Airport. These include the Umbutfo Swaziland Defence Force's Air Wing." 

I cannot imagine 70K passengers coming through the airport. It just seems like a lot of people to me.  I think that works out to 7 stadiums full at Shea Stadium.  Not sure though

So let's talk about the Umbutfo Swaziland Defence Force's Air Wing-

ok, so this is where it stands- I'm not going to talk about it.  To be honest, I just don't know enough about it to sit and discuss the Swaziland Air Force.  It seems like a strange looking plane to me though and I wonder what it really does.

So- where to next you might ask and why this airport...  Questions abound!

Allison Woolbert is a person who has a curiosity that goes far beyond the normal day to day understandings that most people have.  As a child, she was always into some of the most interesting positions that caused her to climb through windows, up onto piles of things or simply pick up something that was a curiosity to her.  

Did you know Allison Woolbert is a programmer?  She writes custom software including websites and has been developing all sorts of nifty computer tools for people.  From data tracking engines to secret squirrel work for sources she cannot name, professional software development is what her company Phoenix Consultants Group does.  Check out it out!

Allison Woolbert- Business opportunities abound in Swaziland.

Some websites just need rework. Take for instance the http://www.gov.sz/ website.   

Business opportunities abound in Swaziland.  The systems are somewhat outdated and the main page simply isn't working well (or at all!).  The Prime Minister cannot be found and I'm certain it is of serious concern to the government without a web presence.  

I find that programming for small and growing places can be a profitable and challenging job.  At the same time, I see that there are places in need of increasing their visibility on the planet and bettering their people I try to see what I can do about it.  Working on old websites and technologies can also be a challenge in that the systems sometimes cannot be changed due to antiquated and irrelevant code.  

Allison Woolbert can certainly begin unraveling the details of this sort of site and provide a proper website coupled with training the IT department on new methodology for hosting and managing websites. 

I wonder how much the weather is affecting these servers and systems?  Is it the dust, the weather or the infrastructure?  Simply speaking, this can be a complete rework with a win-win situation for all of us concerned!  Just think, Allison Woolbert could create  Swazilanda fantastic government infrastructure & system that can fully demonstrate how up and coming they are!

Some places are just more challenging than others to get technology working properly in.  I figure that if properly created, the system, the software and the country could benefit entirely from a skills from a professional computer person!

Allison Woolbert is a computer technology expert who simply loves to play with new technologies and programming methodologies.  She's been working as a professional database and web developer for years and takes on many challenges that others simply can't figure out.  You can find her at Phoenix Consultants Group!

Allison Woolbert- Heat in a Dry Zone- Africa

What a place to visit- the great Mbabane, Swaziland!

Mbabane, Swaziland weather:  It certainly seems that heat isn't something most people consider but when you talk about Africa, that can be a different story.  Although, Mbabane, Swaziland seems to have a completely different kind of weather.  Three days of rains appear to be coming this week! .
 Event the BBC has a weather forecast for Mbabane.

Site Seeing- Allison could enjoy the Royal Swazi Spa over on Dr Sishayi and Gwamile Street. Maybe that is what needs to be done first in a site seeing venture.  Tripadvisor.com has some awesome ideas of where to go!

Language:  Even words in Swahili can be difficult to learn but doable.  I figure with multiple computer languages and Google Translate a person (Like Allison Woolbert) with some base language concepts can learn quite a bit!

Greetings

Between peers: "Habari!" and the greeted answers, "Nzuri!".

Between peers: "Hujambo?" (Are you fine?) and the greeted answers, "Sijambo!" (I'm fine!)

Young to older: "Shikamoo!" (originally it meant "I touch your feet" as a sign of respect) and the greeted answers, "Marahabaa!" (I acknowledge your respect!).

Personal Pronouns

English	Swahili
I	Mimi
We	Sisi
You (singular)	Wewe
You (plural)	nyinyi
He	Yeye
She	Yeye
They	Wao

Anyway, it's going to be a new adventure for anyone who travels to Mbabane.  New people, new languages, new culture- lots of friendly faces though!  Allison Woolbert- traveler, seeker of reality in a new way, of course, if it's on the internet- it's true!

Allison Woolbert: Planning Her Tiny House - Part 1

So what would it take to be in the zoning code to make a Tiny House in New Jersey-

Let’s start with some of the basic info from the NJ Uniform Construction Codes and consider that for the most part, it might be able to be done and in code. 

A few assumptions:

1.     Let’s assume this house is for TWO (2) total people to stay there. 

2.     Let’s also assume that it doesn’t have to be portable but can be on a fixed foundation.

§ 5:28-1.11 Use and occupancy of space

 (a) Every dwelling unit shall contain at least 150 square feet of floor space for the first occupant

thereof and at least 100 additional square feet of floor space for every additional occupant thereof, the floor space to be calculated on the base of total habitable room area.

(b) Every room occupied for sleeping purposes by one occupant shall contain at least 70 square

feet of floor space, and every room occupied for sleeping purposes by more than one occupant shall contain at least 50 square feet of floor space for each occupant thereof.

(c) At least one-half of the floor area of every habitable room shall have a ceiling height of at least

seven feet. The floor area of that part of any room where the ceiling is less than five feet shall not be considered as part of the floor area in computing the total floor area in the room for the purpose of determining the maximum permissible occupancy thereof.

So here is the basic square footage that would be required:

Bedroom:  For two people a bedroom would require a minimum square feet of 120 square feet. 

Common areas:  For total habitable rooms 250 square feet at a minimum of floor space would be required. 

So for the first round of thoughts on this- basically you would need a bedroom that is about 10 x 12 and an area as a minimum of 25 x 10 for the overall internal tiny house in total.  Not so tiny, but not totally incapable of being mapped out if you consider the top bedroom of 120 sq ft part of the (a) requirement of the 250.  So I am now pondering all of these little twists and turns on making a tiny little Allison Woolbert house J

Next considerations for my tiny house- a bathroom and kitchen and how to make that totally awesome tiny house computer room!

 Allison Woolbert has done many tasks of journey work for most of her  life. Her father trained her in carpentry, electrical and plumbing as well as an assortment of other building and maintenance skills and opportunities as she grew up.

Disclaimer: Allison Woolbert is NOT a licensed builder nor is she suggesting she is.   This is a pondering of the considerations of how to build a tiny house within the constraints of New Jersey Law and Building Code requirements and making a new fun project to consider.