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Monday, February 16, 2015

Allison Woolberts' Growing List of things to Respond to a Telemarketer

We all know that telemarketers can flat ass be annoying.  From calling and disrupting those important decisions (like wine or whiskey), or causing us to consider a product that we certainly don't want to begin with to asking us whether we like a political figure which NOBODY likes!  AGHHHHH!!!

So, this is the start of some canned things I've actually done or considered doing.  No need to give credit to Allison Woolbert if you want to use them.  Just remember- there are things you probably will get a knock on your door from the police if you freak them out to much.  

Also remember the goal- How quickly can you get a telemarketer to quit the job.  The faster they will end their employment, the harder it is for call centers like it to keep going.  So here is Allison Woolbert's list of humorous responses:

1.  "Don't you listen to national news! What is wrong with your company- She was killed last night by that crazy boyfriend!"

2.  "I'm sorry, she's over at Ancora Mental Health Facility. She went after a telemarketer last week with a shotgun"

3. "Hang on. "Put that down INSERT NAME HERE. Put it down! NO NO! STOP! (slam telephone book or large book on table... hang up) 

4. A wide moment of silence when you tell the tel-marketer on the other end of the phone that the person they want to talk to was killed by an alligator in Florida and that somebody Youtube'd it with a broken voice.

The second longer moment of silence when you ask them after they stutter something else if they are totally insensitive to the loss of a dearly loved family member.

5. Cost them major time such as on hold, the pick it back up, on hold again, pick it back up, on hold a third time and tell them that they need to call back exactly at 1:05 pm EST

Yep- so there are a few incentives and thoughts.  More to come as I get them...

You have a way to get rid of telemarketers?  Write me a comment so I can post it here!

Allison Woolbert is a telemarketers best nightmare.  She works to find ways to aggravate, antagonize and misdirect every telemarketer that ever reaches out to her telephone.  As a professional telemarketing aggrivator, Allison Woolbert has perfected many ways to bring a marketing professional to pull hair out, drink heavily on the job, throw their phone across the room, or yell obscenities at their boss.

Remember- Practice those lines so you can get them just right to feed to these folks!

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